i'm curled up under piles of blankets and pillows, i feel a strange longing to stay up late tonight. there isn't anything particularly important for me to accomplish as of right now, but i am unable to sleep. therefore i will write.
i have had many a surprise today. i didn't realize that i could hang out at wal-mart for an hour and be entertained and amused for the most part. i was also glad that my nausea passed. even after arby's. meatloaf. airheads. and chicken nuggets. maybe it's because i had my someone to take care of me.
i have to be honest, i don't know what i'm really doing right now. i am going to school but i am wondering when i will reach that point when i can tell people exactly.what.i'm.doing. i still don't know. but i told graydon tonight about some thoughts that have been stewing up in my mind for a little while. which is why i read over the GRE practice tests and got a little queasy again...argh
also, this summer is going to be fantastic. i cannot wait to spend my lazy summer evenings in a park somewhere in salt lake city, and i am anticipating an amazing vacation with my love. i also can't help but attempt to wrap my mind around the idea of being married. also. am i really turning 21? my new license does look significantly more haggard...heh.
i must also announce that i haven't had cravings for shopping these days. i have to be honest, i am completely out of the whole swing of things. i am afraid that i don't know what is cool/cute/fashionable anymore. have i really become an old woman? i just don't have the energy to figure out what is stylish. i am trying to tone down whatever sort of style i had going on before and just dressing up so i don't freeze while walking on campus.
i really like not having money. i am super excited to spend my early years with graydon scraping for loose change (i love change, if you hate your pennies, i will gladly remove them from you...)and not having to worry about anything but basic needs. i am longing for moments with graydon when all we really have is a dumpy couch and a book to read.
wow. maybe i should go to sleep now. this has all summed up my greatest longings for this day.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
hello hello
i am currently sitting in one of the best places in the world...next to graydon.
i have been excited about spring semester. i don't think i mind the cold as much because i know i will have a hand to hold when the wind gets sharper and when the snow forms piles of little men on people's yards.
graydon and i meet occasionally on campus, and i have to say that college is much better when you can walk into a huge library, likely full of thousands of books you'll never read and people you'll never meet eyes with, and be able to walk directly to that spot where you know someone will be.
school has been interesting so far. i am taking four classes this semester. i am inching closer to graduation but i can't help but think that i will miss learning in a formal setting. arabic is intense and my english classes are rigorous. i also can't deny how intrigued, yet still skeptic, i have become of ancient egypt.
mindy went to the inauguration. sort of. her and george are cool kids for sure, livin' the life in Annapolis on the weekends. michelle and brad are still a lovely married couple and jerry & mindee are expecting a baby boy: Tayden!
i have come to realize that i really appreciate when people listen to to my current love story. especially my mom...she does an amazing job at helping me fulfill my goals and dreams. my sisters also support my every move involving my future plans with graydon.
i don't know what it is about these past few weeks that has confirmed many feelings of mine.
maybe it's when graydon gets excited about solving a chemistry problem.
or when he wears dark jeans.
or when he wraps his hand around mine.
or when he smiles at me, walks me to my car, and scrapes my car windows....
not to mention when i never tire of being with him.
i would say things are marvelous. i would say that it's going to take me a little while longer to finally realize that this isn't all a dream...
i have been excited about spring semester. i don't think i mind the cold as much because i know i will have a hand to hold when the wind gets sharper and when the snow forms piles of little men on people's yards.
graydon and i meet occasionally on campus, and i have to say that college is much better when you can walk into a huge library, likely full of thousands of books you'll never read and people you'll never meet eyes with, and be able to walk directly to that spot where you know someone will be.
school has been interesting so far. i am taking four classes this semester. i am inching closer to graduation but i can't help but think that i will miss learning in a formal setting. arabic is intense and my english classes are rigorous. i also can't deny how intrigued, yet still skeptic, i have become of ancient egypt.
mindy went to the inauguration. sort of. her and george are cool kids for sure, livin' the life in Annapolis on the weekends. michelle and brad are still a lovely married couple and jerry & mindee are expecting a baby boy: Tayden!
i have come to realize that i really appreciate when people listen to to my current love story. especially my mom...she does an amazing job at helping me fulfill my goals and dreams. my sisters also support my every move involving my future plans with graydon.
i don't know what it is about these past few weeks that has confirmed many feelings of mine.
maybe it's when graydon gets excited about solving a chemistry problem.
or when he wears dark jeans.
or when he wraps his hand around mine.
or when he smiles at me, walks me to my car, and scrapes my car windows....
not to mention when i never tire of being with him.
i would say things are marvelous. i would say that it's going to take me a little while longer to finally realize that this isn't all a dream...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
diving too deep for coins
i've had a great thanksgiving break. on wednesday, mindy and i saw twilight. mindy hadn't read the books, but she still liked it. it was fun. i honestly don't remember the last time i went to a movie...
michelley and brad are in cancun so i've been stuck at home with lil lazy cocoa. but it's been good being able to rest. i've been sleeping a ton!
thanksgiving was really great. it was a small one, but me, mindy, my parents and grandpa went to Vienna Bistro and had thanksgiving dinner there. it was so tasty and the atmosphere was pleasant. we all tried the Austrian ginger ale ( i forget what it's called) and we had the ham and turkey plates for dinner. i was also surprised at how much i liked the brussels sprouts. we finished off our meals with apple streusel. it was nice.
my favorite part was when we went to grandpa's house and watched old home videos. i wasn't in any of them, but it was fun watching my siblings as babies, and seeing how much my parents have changed. my mother was always so fashionable and i couldn't help but notice that my dad and jerry look a lot alike (despite obvious differences).
i know most people like to write blogs about what they're grateful for. i have a hard time with this...i think the reason why people think i'm indifferent or apathetic is because i don't quantify things very well, especially feelings of love and gratitude.
i love my family very much. i've had many friends come and go, i've had a hard time keeping friends close, but i know i can always rely on my family to listen and be there for me. they have never forced me to be a certain type of person, instead they motivate me to be my best self, whoever that may be.
and then there's graydon. sigh. i love him and his family so much. i go over to graydon's bountiful house about once a month. although i'm not the most outgoing talkative person, i always feel really comfortable over there. his sisters are intelligent and lauretta and scott always give me leftovers to take home. i think things would've been a lot different between graydon and i if i rarely saw his family.
i am really content with life right now. i think some people have a hard time understanding why a testimony of my beliefs is so important, but i guess it comes from me knowing a life with a weak testimony, compared to a life with a strong testimony.
i honestly am happy. and it doesn't mean that life is perfect, nor am i always smiley and having great, fantastic days, every day. not at all. i guess i just feel peace with everything. i still get worried/anxious/nervous but i just know that if i continue doing good things, that good things will work out if i be my best self.
i wish i could quantify this happiness or love or gratitude. it is something that i wish i could package and seal, and send off to all corners of the earth.
when i am sitting alone at home, rubbing my dog's belly and listening to music, i feel peace within myself. i don't have any inner turmoil tearing inside or regrets or sorrow. i really am happy.
i have learned that the littlest things are what prove our true character. lately i have been struggling with different viewpoints, different justifications and although they are not entirely 'wrong' within themselves, i know that there are far better things that bring happiness. i have a hard time settling for something when i know that i can have great things. we shouldn't all settle for what seems good...the best thing is what we should seek.
this blog kind of turned into something i wasn't expecting. but i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving.
oh yeah...
11 days....
michelley and brad are in cancun so i've been stuck at home with lil lazy cocoa. but it's been good being able to rest. i've been sleeping a ton!
thanksgiving was really great. it was a small one, but me, mindy, my parents and grandpa went to Vienna Bistro and had thanksgiving dinner there. it was so tasty and the atmosphere was pleasant. we all tried the Austrian ginger ale ( i forget what it's called) and we had the ham and turkey plates for dinner. i was also surprised at how much i liked the brussels sprouts. we finished off our meals with apple streusel. it was nice.
my favorite part was when we went to grandpa's house and watched old home videos. i wasn't in any of them, but it was fun watching my siblings as babies, and seeing how much my parents have changed. my mother was always so fashionable and i couldn't help but notice that my dad and jerry look a lot alike (despite obvious differences).
i know most people like to write blogs about what they're grateful for. i have a hard time with this...i think the reason why people think i'm indifferent or apathetic is because i don't quantify things very well, especially feelings of love and gratitude.
i love my family very much. i've had many friends come and go, i've had a hard time keeping friends close, but i know i can always rely on my family to listen and be there for me. they have never forced me to be a certain type of person, instead they motivate me to be my best self, whoever that may be.
and then there's graydon. sigh. i love him and his family so much. i go over to graydon's bountiful house about once a month. although i'm not the most outgoing talkative person, i always feel really comfortable over there. his sisters are intelligent and lauretta and scott always give me leftovers to take home. i think things would've been a lot different between graydon and i if i rarely saw his family.
i am really content with life right now. i think some people have a hard time understanding why a testimony of my beliefs is so important, but i guess it comes from me knowing a life with a weak testimony, compared to a life with a strong testimony.
i honestly am happy. and it doesn't mean that life is perfect, nor am i always smiley and having great, fantastic days, every day. not at all. i guess i just feel peace with everything. i still get worried/anxious/nervous but i just know that if i continue doing good things, that good things will work out if i be my best self.
i wish i could quantify this happiness or love or gratitude. it is something that i wish i could package and seal, and send off to all corners of the earth.
when i am sitting alone at home, rubbing my dog's belly and listening to music, i feel peace within myself. i don't have any inner turmoil tearing inside or regrets or sorrow. i really am happy.
i have learned that the littlest things are what prove our true character. lately i have been struggling with different viewpoints, different justifications and although they are not entirely 'wrong' within themselves, i know that there are far better things that bring happiness. i have a hard time settling for something when i know that i can have great things. we shouldn't all settle for what seems good...the best thing is what we should seek.
this blog kind of turned into something i wasn't expecting. but i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving.
oh yeah...
11 days....
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
eating fried rice. feeling a bit antsy.
i have been reading pages and pages of chaucer. and i am sooooo tired of it. (alison...don't you love chaucer? i'm sure if i went to canterbury i would appreciate it more).
but today has been such a long day. almost dreadful. i wouldn't say that it has been a bad day, but sometimes i get frustrated for no reason: especially when i forget to wear socks during wet weather.
another thing. don't ask me how, but i found myself at a site called "waitingforamissionary.com"
i about had a fit.
i think it was created with great intentions (i think the idea of it is nice) but the advice? some of it is absolutely horrifying and shallow. so i bid you to go visit it. let me give you a taste of what's included in the mess:
#1 this image explains everything. this, and others like it, are attached to varying topic headings. the headings seem informative and great! but then i click on "Get Advice" and i am bombarded with a woman in LINGERIE. i thought i stumbled upon the wrong site. yes, she is in fact seeking missionary-waiting advice, WITH a box of chocolates in red, fairly skimpy nightwear. tasteful? suitable? hm.
#2 we reach a section called "Get Cute!" which reminds me of a hannah montana song title...but also, reminds me of how we should NOT think before our missionaries come home.
i believe grooming and proper hygiene are important, but i believe that we should prepare ourselves in far less shallow ways. such as, spiritually, intellectually, and mentally (i guess that's separate from intellectually). believe me, i think that we should take care of ourselves, but i was a bit worried about paragraphs dedicated to making sure that EVERYTHING about your personal appearance is perfect for that first meeting with your missionary. analyze the following:
Ask yourself these questions:
"1. What do I like about the way I look right now? Is the way I currently look the image I want to project to the world?
2. Do I feel like I am in good shape or are there some things I would like to change? If so, what exactly?
3. Do I like to spend a lot of time on my appearance or only what is necessary or quick?
4. Are there any particular things I'd like to change? (Such as hair, skin, style.)
5. How much am I willing to spend money-wise and time-wise toward these changes?
6. Write down the experience you imagine to have the moment your missionary first sees you again. Be specific about how you are dressed, your hair color and cut, maybe even the way you are walking. This is what you're going to aspire to!!"
i am mostly in love with #6. i may start practicing my walk this very minute.
#3 okay. now that i have completely criticized the first bit of "Get Cute!" i want to pay attention to the list of stores we are recommended to shop at. you all know i like to poke fun at most of these, but the list is topped off with the perfect, most plump cherry!
here we go:
american eagle
hollister
aeropostale
abercrombie and fitch
(the list continues here for a couple more, fairly reliable stores but THEN...)
LANE BRYANT.
ladies and gentlemen. i am flocking to gateway this very moment to look like this for graydon:
but today has been such a long day. almost dreadful. i wouldn't say that it has been a bad day, but sometimes i get frustrated for no reason: especially when i forget to wear socks during wet weather.
another thing. don't ask me how, but i found myself at a site called "waitingforamissionary.com"
i about had a fit.
i think it was created with great intentions (i think the idea of it is nice) but the advice? some of it is absolutely horrifying and shallow. so i bid you to go visit it. let me give you a taste of what's included in the mess:
#1 this image explains everything. this, and others like it, are attached to varying topic headings. the headings seem informative and great! but then i click on "Get Advice" and i am bombarded with a woman in LINGERIE. i thought i stumbled upon the wrong site. yes, she is in fact seeking missionary-waiting advice, WITH a box of chocolates in red, fairly skimpy nightwear. tasteful? suitable? hm.
#2 we reach a section called "Get Cute!" which reminds me of a hannah montana song title...but also, reminds me of how we should NOT think before our missionaries come home.
i believe grooming and proper hygiene are important, but i believe that we should prepare ourselves in far less shallow ways. such as, spiritually, intellectually, and mentally (i guess that's separate from intellectually). believe me, i think that we should take care of ourselves, but i was a bit worried about paragraphs dedicated to making sure that EVERYTHING about your personal appearance is perfect for that first meeting with your missionary. analyze the following:
Ask yourself these questions:
"1. What do I like about the way I look right now? Is the way I currently look the image I want to project to the world?
2. Do I feel like I am in good shape or are there some things I would like to change? If so, what exactly?
3. Do I like to spend a lot of time on my appearance or only what is necessary or quick?
4. Are there any particular things I'd like to change? (Such as hair, skin, style.)
5. How much am I willing to spend money-wise and time-wise toward these changes?
6. Write down the experience you imagine to have the moment your missionary first sees you again. Be specific about how you are dressed, your hair color and cut, maybe even the way you are walking. This is what you're going to aspire to!!"
i am mostly in love with #6. i may start practicing my walk this very minute.
#3 okay. now that i have completely criticized the first bit of "Get Cute!" i want to pay attention to the list of stores we are recommended to shop at. you all know i like to poke fun at most of these, but the list is topped off with the perfect, most plump cherry!
here we go:
american eagle
hollister
aeropostale
abercrombie and fitch
(the list continues here for a couple more, fairly reliable stores but THEN...)
LANE BRYANT.
ladies and gentlemen. i am flocking to gateway this very moment to look like this for graydon:
Sunday, November 9, 2008
pine pine pining away...
okay. so i just got done e-mailing graydon which will be the fifth to last time that i will have to.
it is so strange. he is truly my best friend and i am so excited to see him. i know that things will be different...
but i think things will be so much sweeter and endearing.
i have about five weeks of school left. arabic is killing me. it is the first time that i haven't completed all of the homework because there is little to no time for me to do so. my english classes are going great, i have never done so well on tests and essays before, i am glad to say that i enjoy my major.
let's see...i have been sick this past week. it is getting a little old to say the least. i really want to just do what i want when i want. i am sad that i haven't been able to do yoga for awhile and i am also sad that i haven't had a chance to take trax to school as often; sometimes it's hard getting up an hour earlier when you're sick.
i am in my fourth month of accutane. blekh. the thing is amazing in itself though. my skin feels soooo much better. the only drawbacks are: dry lips, sometimes weird dryness of hands and arms, the inability to concentrate (really, i can't concentrate at all and it drives me crazy) and the occasional crying spell which lasts for a minute or two and ends abruptly with no lingering emotional depression. i feel fine. i am just hoping that the next and final time that i get my blood drawn, it will run smoothly. last time, the woman delved into my vein for about five minutes. she poked me a couple times. it hurt but hey i am still alive and my veins are still Inside my arm.
um. Mindy is leaving me for D.C. in january. no, i am sooo excited for her. and for michelle and brad's wedding next month. so much is happening in my family, it just makes me so happy and i feel so blessed. cocoa is doing great, too. he signed up for facebook the other day.
i don't have much of a social life but it doesn't bother me. i usually study on the weekends after work or i hang out with my sisters when they're not socializing. it is strange watching how my circle of friends has shifted so drastically but i fear that these things are necessary.
anyway i just learned today that even when you are sick, you have no excuse to not help other people. you can still serve people in the smallest way when you feel like you are the most unable. i think if everyone were to recognize that they can change someone's day/life with simple things, that our world would be so much happier.
i really love my family, too. did i mention that?
and ever since mindy told me what 'petit ami' meant, i have been obsessed! it is so cute.
it is so strange. he is truly my best friend and i am so excited to see him. i know that things will be different...
but i think things will be so much sweeter and endearing.
i have about five weeks of school left. arabic is killing me. it is the first time that i haven't completed all of the homework because there is little to no time for me to do so. my english classes are going great, i have never done so well on tests and essays before, i am glad to say that i enjoy my major.
let's see...i have been sick this past week. it is getting a little old to say the least. i really want to just do what i want when i want. i am sad that i haven't been able to do yoga for awhile and i am also sad that i haven't had a chance to take trax to school as often; sometimes it's hard getting up an hour earlier when you're sick.
i am in my fourth month of accutane. blekh. the thing is amazing in itself though. my skin feels soooo much better. the only drawbacks are: dry lips, sometimes weird dryness of hands and arms, the inability to concentrate (really, i can't concentrate at all and it drives me crazy) and the occasional crying spell which lasts for a minute or two and ends abruptly with no lingering emotional depression. i feel fine. i am just hoping that the next and final time that i get my blood drawn, it will run smoothly. last time, the woman delved into my vein for about five minutes. she poked me a couple times. it hurt but hey i am still alive and my veins are still Inside my arm.
um. Mindy is leaving me for D.C. in january. no, i am sooo excited for her. and for michelle and brad's wedding next month. so much is happening in my family, it just makes me so happy and i feel so blessed. cocoa is doing great, too. he signed up for facebook the other day.
i don't have much of a social life but it doesn't bother me. i usually study on the weekends after work or i hang out with my sisters when they're not socializing. it is strange watching how my circle of friends has shifted so drastically but i fear that these things are necessary.
anyway i just learned today that even when you are sick, you have no excuse to not help other people. you can still serve people in the smallest way when you feel like you are the most unable. i think if everyone were to recognize that they can change someone's day/life with simple things, that our world would be so much happier.
i really love my family, too. did i mention that?
and ever since mindy told me what 'petit ami' meant, i have been obsessed! it is so cute.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
the past few months in less than 10 sentences
i don't quite know how to describe my life lately.
i really haven't been doing too much, but there is definitely a lack of any social activity. it's been hard lately; most of my friends avoid talking to me and i'm not sure why.
i have been working as much as i can, as much as school allows me to.
i am desperately trying to figure out how i fit into my recent calling at church, it's been really difficult trying to juggle work/school/and activities committee.
my family is doing well, busy with wedding plans.
but honestly? this is all i've been doing.
i am sad to say there is not much more to report on.
i really haven't been doing too much, but there is definitely a lack of any social activity. it's been hard lately; most of my friends avoid talking to me and i'm not sure why.
i have been working as much as i can, as much as school allows me to.
i am desperately trying to figure out how i fit into my recent calling at church, it's been really difficult trying to juggle work/school/and activities committee.
my family is doing well, busy with wedding plans.
but honestly? this is all i've been doing.
i am sad to say there is not much more to report on.
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