Stubborn? Me? No way!

I can't believe that the last time I wrote a blog post was when Grady was 3 months old!  Time flies when you're having fun.

And boy, have we been having fun.  

My little Grady is such a fascinating boy.  Now that he is nearly 16 months old, I've started to identify some strong personality traits.  Some of them I selfishly compare to myself: "is he turning out like me?" and then there's "he definitely gets the stubbornness from me." 

But he's not stubborn like me.  I am far worse than anyone can possibly measure.  Grady is patient and gets frustrated when things don't pan out how he wants them to, but eventually he learns he can't have everything he wants.  Me, on the other hand, I complain and cry and don't want to change my ways until it's too late.

My stubbornness will be the end of me. I've learned this several times throughout my life.  Like that one time when I hung out with the wrong kind of friends as a kid.  I was warned and warned.  "it's going to end in heartbreak" I was told.  When the ties were broken, I was 13, alone and utterly confused about what person I was supposed to be.  

Then there's the time when I wouldn't give into that one demanding customer.  "This is the worst service I've ever received" he yelled.  "Well you can go somewhere else then, sir". I still don't regret that retort which adds to my dilemma.  But after that, I felt that my position at work was degraded a bit.  What kind of assistant manager responds to people like that?

Finally, there's that one moment when Graydon told me to be patient about starting a family.  All around me friends, coworkers, relatives and neighbors were having kids.  I was quickly turning 23.  Oh no, married for 2 years and no kids?  Then came 25.  I was still lagging.  I cried into my pillow and put myself down for not being like everyone else.  Shouldn't I have 2 kids by now?  The emotions were building up, the sound of someone else's happiness sent me into a whirlwind of despair.  I bought baby necessities...maybe pretending would yield a faster result.  

Eventually we got there and here I am, staring at a picture of my baby.  

I need to put an end to my stubbornness.  All it has ever done has gotten me into trouble.  Maybe I should be persistent instead?  Grady is a great example to me.  He has his moments when those molars are cutting through or he hasn't had enough sleep.  But overall, he is understanding when things are supposed to be a certain way.  He doesn't give up, but he goes with the flow.  He accepts the circumstances and moves on with a smile on his face.  I tell him "no, you can't play with that electrical outlet." He flinches, nearly tries to touch it again, but decides he'd have more fun playing with something else.  "Eat your dinner, Grady" gets me a shake of the head and then a gentle push of his plate, meaning he's done.  If that were me, I'd be screaming my head off "NO I DON'T WANT TO EAT" or "WHY CAN'T I PLAY WITH ELECTRICITY?"

I've come to the conclusion that I'd be much happier if I tried to see things from a different perspective, move on without dwelling too much on the past.  Seeing beyond the here and now has always been difficult for me.  Ever since my little Grady came into my life, I've noticed that it's been easier for me to lighten up a bit.  I think I will always be grateful for my little guy in more ways that I can count.  Who would've thought that Grady could teach me so much in so little time?