it always settles in the next morning. when you wake up, eyes covered in a hardened shield of tears, i wrapped my arms around my own neck and coughed for five minutes. nothing came out but a few hollow notes. i was hoping that i would have found one harmonious chord in that fit.
there is never a real reason for why we feel difference in seemingly melodious situations. it is never a discordant note that kicks us into a frenzy of questioning or doubt. instead it is the supreme beauty that drives us insane. it is the beauty of something the world is not yet ready for. the world has not trained its ear to appreciate the tune.
it explains why i can't listen to that song anymore or stay in my apartment too long, because the sound is gone and all i really hear now is how dull the fan is, or how slippery the rain actually sounds against the parking garage.
i will try to grab hold of as many familiar notes as i can. this one looks sturdy. this one is made for building cabins next to a lake. that one over there, i'll take with me to those park swings. the rest will have to store themselves, whether for a better time, or for some closed box under my bed.
i do not see refinement in my way of listening, i will have to train myself, but i don't think it ever meant that i didn't care for you.
