as of late

it's been a strange month or so. but i am so happy that school started when it did.

it gets frustrating when people start slipping through your fingers, you see the dregs left in your hands and you wonder if there is anyway to fashion any sort of anything with it.

i'd say it's not bad to watch your friends move out, move away, and move on. nor is it bad to see your siblings happily settled with their own thing, even if it means having to let go of them in a short time.

mostly i needed today, i needed sunday. i had such a busy week, studying, hacking and spitting arabic words (arabic doesn't sound like that, but that's what my arabic sounds like), working and praying for the chance to finally finally get some sleep so i can do the same thing over again the next day.

today i found relief. i was listening to testimonies of fellow ward members when i realized how much i will never know about other people. there are people in my life that i will never fully understand, despite their attempts to make their experiences known, or the attempts of their friends to make their experiences known.

i honestly can't say that i would like to know. sometimes we just have to do our best by assuming that one should be fair to everyone.

but i digress...

i also really really liked sunday school/relief society today. all the wars in the book of mormon are so tiring for me to read through, but michelle and i finished reading a scripture today and both glanced at each other; we exchanged the look, the look that needs no explanation or further probing. i love my sisters. we are constantly thinking of one anothers' experiences/current trials/strugglings/and even joys. i can say that my sisters fully understand me more than i let myself believe.

i do miss alison. i think i delayed it until now. it didn't hit me until she immediately replied to a somewhat pathetic complaint of an email from me last night. i woke up and flipped open my laptop and there it was, a little happy (1) in my inbox.

thank you.

i am also so very much loving how numbers are beginning to disappear. it gets me way antsy when i start counting the days until i see graydon. every time i read a letter from him, i become more excited to hear his voice, to read the expression in his face when he looks at me, and to finally just tell him that it was all worth it. i admire graydon for his desire to align his beliefs, to do all that he can do to serve. i love him.

well here is the scripture of the day:

alma 46:18

"And he said: Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions."