this day:

i may never understand the nerve people have...i watch my mother run a restaurant every day and night, diligently and furtively. no one can ever be the perfect owner nor the perfect mother but my mom tries her hardest.

but i am so angry. i am so tired of the handful of people who hurt my family repeatedly. one uneducated rant on a review page is enough for me to get riled up. but personal attacks on my mother, on my house, specifically with eggs on my car, is too much.

my family has put up with so much over the past years since we've moved back from saudi arabia. we have never meant to hurt others, or make people despise us. but somehow, when we work our hardest to be good people and find happiness in our own quiet lives, someone seems to find joy in tearing our spirits down. and quickly.

i have never wanted to say i was a victim of things, but i guess i tend to make myself one so easily. i try to believe that everyone is generally good. but so many people have such harsh jealousies and hatred towards my family, i can't even begin to imagine how miserable their lives are. i want so badly to not care, i want so badly to find out who these people are that try to bring us to our knees.

at the end of the day, it does bring me down to my knees, but in a grateful prayer to heavenly father for allowing me and my family to be so close and faithful. i don't know how i would deal with this if i didn't know that things would take care of themselves on their own. i guess it's karma in it's own way, but mostly i am thankful that some day i will be able to forgive these awful people...even if the day isn't immediate, i know it will come.

at least i will find peace within my own life, whereas these wretched people will be groping in a dark mess, searching for someone else to dominate.

hey, i'm still working on all of it. i'm not perfect.

been too denying

i haven't written any blogs in awhile. i just don't want people reading them and getting the wrong idea about things. but i have recently decided to move back to south jordan once my lease is up at my apartment.

i have already spent a lot of time away from salt lake. i'm not sure what it is...i like being somewhere new, somewhere close to school but i have found myself giving into pressures i never did before.

it's not that i'm blaming the city for changing me, in fact i felt like i may have never made certain decisions were it not for living away from home for awhile.

i love my family so much. and good friends are hard to come by. when i think that i have secured friendships with people, they seem to be nothing but conveniences created to my expense. not that i blame anyone, but i find that i only trust my sisters.

i am really happy with the current decision i've made, regardless of it making me out to be a homebody.

i've never thought that i was someone too scared to leave my home, rather, i knew that i had everything i needed already. i love to travel, i have it in my blood to want to be somewhere else. but when the time is right (and money too...)

i feel no regret for how things have panned out recently. it is difficult but i have learned to trust that i know myself and what is in store for me is going to bring me happiness when i do what is right.

i have come to realize that after nearly two years, nothing has changed. i'm still dying to watch rainy sunsets and read crappy advice from jones' caps. only six more months.