i almost want to go back to all of the blogs that i've written and delete them entirely.
i am not saying that i have matured since the last blog i've typed, but i definitely feel like i am very different in how i express myself in writing.
for the longest time i haven't felt the strong feelings of bitterness, loneliness or sadness that comes from loss or longing for someone. instead i have come to embrace the joy that comes from thinking about other people instead of myself.
but for those who read my blog, i guess it is safe to say that i am attempting to abandon my old ways. that is i wish to stay away from using my blog as a way to vent, and instead use it to communicate to my friends everywhere what i have been up to in my life.
well. frankly things are simple. but i couldn't be happier. it is strange how much absorbing yourself into work can truly make you happy if you know that you are doing all you can for another person. i have worked at my mom's restaurant for over a year and a half now, and it wasn't until recently that i realized that i actually enjoyed it. it is actually pretty taxing physically and sometimes emotionally but it is such a blessing to be able to be with my family as often as i am.
i have recently contemplated my education and the route that i am taking. i love studying english and middle eastern studies as well as arabic. but i have very much decided to follow in my mother's footsteps and learn her great recipes in order to open my own shop/cafe some day. i am not entirely sure if a large restaurant is for me, but i have honestly become engrossed in the type of friendship and bonds one can create with decent, sincere people in this world. i also want to do my best to keep the wonderful traditions alive from my heritage that i so often neglect or suppress.
as far as dating life goes, i am still daydreaming. it is not quite like the tales of vampires and Bellas but i would say it reaches almost a pathetic fantasy-like mode. in other words, my love is still kind of an image in my mind as well as an email every week, but he is still existent nevertheless. i think mostly i have decided that love figures itself out. you don't decide before hand what you think it is, instead it forms between two people differently every time. love between Bella and Edward is not exactly the type of love people should expect from here until forever for every couple in love.
i got my hair done the other day by my sister-in-law and she did an amazing job. afterwards i stood in front of the mirror and tried to picture whether graydon would like my haircut or not. then i laughed and realized that four months is enough time for my bangs to grow down to my chin.
i am quite happy as of right now. things rarely annoy me unless the occasional duty goes unfulfilled or customers get fussy. i believe my best is when i roll out of bed and pray every morning for patience and the ability to overcome my frankness with people as well as my quick temper. it's funny that when i go to bed that night, i generally find a scripture that abates my discomfort or my fear of inadequacy.
ah. i'm afraid i'll never be able to merely 'report on my life'. it will always turn into a sort of sermon or other. but basically my life isn't adventurous and constantly full of excitement, but i know that i am finding very slowly what will help me find true joy in this life. i sincerely enjoy the times my mom throws an errand or job at me, because she knows i am capable...i enjoy opening a new email every monday morning because it is full of growth in every word...i also enjoy waiting for my sisters to come at night so i can see love beaming from their eyes...
it really is great taking the path you know you always should have taken.
