an upwards climb

it's been a wonderful month. things have been nice and steady, i have been working full time at the restaurant for almost an entire month now. i really love working with my family and it's always a bonus when i get free food every day. it's also nice having the chance to brush up on cooking skills in the morning.

i recently celebrated my birthday with my family. it was awesome, we went to dinner and snowboarding/skiing at Brighton the next day. it was really fun teaching Graydon how to snowboard (even though he was pro and didn't need too much help from me). i had a great time, it was kind of hard to believe that i hadn't been up there in so long but it still came back to me. i remember the very first time i sat at the top of the bunny hill, feeling so utterly hopeless and discouraged by trying to make it down the mountain in multiple failed attempts.

it's a lot like how i have been feeling lately. sometimes the view up to the top is so pleasant on the lift. the trees are dusted with morning snowflakes, the skiers glide seamlessly below, the air pricks your nose with a cool kiss and the only thing you really think about is how quiet it all is. by the time i see the lift approaching the top of the mountain i suddenly panic and wonder if it is possible for me to get off without knocking over anybody. i forget that i have done it hundreds of times and i try to swallow those creeping butterflies.

lately i have been discouraged because of destinations i have been taken to. after arriving at mountains or new places in my life, i feel like i panic and double take everything. sometimes i feel like i pay too much attention to the journey there and i never stop to enjoy where i arrive.

i understand this is all terribly vague...

but i really am so grateful at the places where i have arrived. i am still discovering who i am, but i know that i can be better and happier with the paths i choose to take. i am trying so hard to enjoy the destinations i get to. even if it means arriving at the top of a steep mountain with a tree-covered face to carve down.