Homemade sorbet

Make this the next time you feel like having a lighter dessert and really want to impress dinner guests. Nothing gives you more compliments than making your own sorbet after a delicious dinner!

Ingredients:
4 cups of frozen assorted fruit (preferably strawberries, peaches, pineapple, and mango)
1/4 cup of lime juice
3/4 cup of sugar
1/4-1/2 cup of water (if needed for easier blending)

Use a food processor or blender and combine items. Add 1/4 cup of water if consistency is too stiff. After sorbet mixture is complete, place in air tight container and freeze for up to 4 hours. You can also use an ice cream maker if you have one on hand. Scoop, garnish with mint or fresh fruit, and impress your guests!

Treading water

So, it's January 2012.

I would be lying if I said this last year has been perfect.

There were mornings that I woke up feeling hopeless and empty. The sunlight coming in through the blinds bothered me and the cheerful radio voices on our alarm enraged me. I'd cling to my sheets as if some imaginary hands were pulling me out of bed. I slipped under my covers and hoped the day would pass, realizing it would go on regardless if I decided to get out of bed or not. These type of mornings became routine. If I got out of bed, I couldn't look in the mirror. I'd brush my hair and teeth and pull on crumpled clothes. The days always seemed to last longer and longer. My neck and back began to ache. My chest had a constant weight on it. I found myself turning off the radio. The thousands of songs on my itunes were becoming nothing but whiny. Not comforting like they used to be. My own puppy gave up trying to drop her stuffed toys at my feet. She knew I had no intention of taking my eyes off the television.

I would be lying if I said that Graydon isn't perfect.

His face so close to mine, his eyes trying to sort out the pain I was feeling. "You must feel like you're drowning, don't you?" Comforting arms wrapped around me, I nodded and sobbed into his chest until I ran out of tears. "I feel like I can't breathe."

Our summer on the Mediterranean cruise: one day we strapped on snorkel gear, climbed into a tiny boat, and dived into pristine waters surrounding Majorca. "We are diving into an underwater cave" we were told. The water, so beautiful and seemingly harmless, crashed me up against a giant rock. Again and again my hands smashed against its jagged surface, my hands punctured and bleeding. Salt water forced itself into my lungs, I clung to Graydon's shoulders and hoped no one else noticed my intense fear. "You have to let go" he said, "I'll wait for you." And he did. When I emerged from the cave he was treading water, I could see his tired eyes, red cheeks but a hopeful smile. I couldn't stop thanking him for waiting for me.

So it seemed for awhile that Gray was treading water, waiting for me to emerge. Constantly holding my hand, stroking my hair and talking me through ever thorn that was embedded in my heart. He talked me through going to the doctor. He talked me through telling my family. He talked me through my first pills, my first visit to the therapist, and my admission that I couldn't do it all on my own.

One day I noticed I was laughing again. Not the petty laughter that one offers at a simple remark but an actual sincere laugh. My chest lightened up. I danced, I sang and kissed my Graydon's cheeks. "Welcome back."

I wear coral lipstick now and paint my nails. I brush my hair and cuddle with my puppy more. Cooking has become my reprieve as well as tending to my house plants. I don't feel perfect and know that I will never come to that. Graydon inspires me every day to live. He spends hours working and even more hours taking care of me. I love him. I also love my family for taking care of me. For helping Graydon take care of me. For loving me and hugging me as if I were still a little girl. Sometimes I still need those type of hugs.

I'm looking forward to this year. Who knows what will happen? All I know is that I'm turning 24 soon and I still feel like I'm 18, twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen. Little did I know things have been happening all along and it wasn't until just recently that I realized that I need to play a bigger part in my own life. So here I go. I'm putting one foot, no two feet forward and making my way into the unknown.

We love you, Grandma Polly

This past weekend I was so absorbed by my own stress. I was feeling down because of work, strained friendships and all the cleaning and organizing that I wanted to accomplish. Graydon and I also started building a new shelving unit and became frustrated by the lack of instructions in the box. I was feeling so overwhelmed by the stressors that were facing me come Monday at work and the lesson we would have to teach on Sunday.

While we were figuring out our shelving unit, we got a call from Graydon's mom. It was not good news. Graydon's amazing grandmother had been taken to the emergency room. I have never been so amazed by Graydon as when I saw the immediate rush of concern flood over him and take an immediate hold of his priorities. "Let's go". We stopped building our shelving unit. We pet Lucy and gave her a bone. We grabbed some water, hopped in the car and arrived in Layton within 30 minutes.

Graydon and I were able to see Grandma Polly in the last moments of her life. While I stood there watching the family and Grandpa Charles near his sweetheart, I began admonishing myself for all the little things that I stressed over during the day. Who cares if the furniture didn't come with directions? Why should I worry about work when it will be there for me on Monday? Why in the world did I waste my energy on being offended? I grabbed Graydon's hand tightly and allowed all the memories of our 5 years together to rush over me. I thought of all the times we spent with his family and my family. I thought about the first time I met Grandma Polly at our high school graduation. I smiled as I thought about the immediate love she showed me even before I was a part of the family. The entire room was filled with an indescribable warmth. My heart felt like it would overflow with so much love even though we were so sad to see Grandma Polly go.

I am so grateful for the gospel and for eternal families. I cannot imagine an afterlife without my darling or my amazing family and friends. I know that the gospel brings happiness if we follow the teachings of Christ and live our life serving other people. I hope that I can live my life in a way that my own Grandma and Grandma Polly would be proud of.

Graydon says he imagines that our grandmothers have been able to meet our children. I hope they put in a good word for us :) I love Graydon so much and know that the love we share for each other can surpass any trial as long as we stay faithful in the gospel. Although I am so sad to have said goodbye to an amazing woman, I am so grateful for Grandma Polly's example and what she did for her family.

Private

Going private! Please send me your email on Facebook if you want to keep reading. Thanks!!

Finally...

Wow it feels so nice to be sitting at home knowing that I have a three day weekend! I haven't been up to too much lately besides work. Gray and I have been really busy with our own things going on. He is going to school this summer and working part-time so sometimes I have to hang out with Lucy while he does his homework and studies.

My job is going well. Although I haven't gone on a mission I imagine I experienced that same sort of thing when I felt like things were finally starting to make sense to me in a foreign place. Instead of waking up one day and realizing I could finally speak the language, I feel like I'm comfortable about giving recommendations and recalling policies/procedures. Outside work I have been reading tons of literature on U.S. Labor Laws and checking out books on HR stuff. Sometimes I read them at home when I'm bored and I think it has helped me A TON. This week at work I've kind of had to fend for myself a little bit but it was a good learning experience for me at the same time. I think this week is when I finally felt comfortable supporting terminations and giving supervisors advice when they asked for it. A month ago I think I would have quickly put them on hold while I asked for help. I am coming up on my 4th month there and it seems like it has passed so quickly.

Today I got my Blackberry setup and I felt so dumb because I forgot to get email service...I suppose it will be useless this weekend? I also feel weird because now I have two phones on me. I would've loved to just use my iPhone but I don't feel good about giving out my personal number to people. Not to mention I wouldn't want to let go of that number if I could help it. I've had my phone number since sophomore year of high school and I don't have any intentions of losing it! I don't feel official yet but I will tell you that once my email is all set up with my BB, I'm going to feel so corporatized!

I'm finally writing a blog about my job because it has been such a great opportunity for me. It has given me great confidence and the ability to meet new people. I am so happy about this great opportunity even when it has been soooo difficult at times. I used to feel really discouraged when I first started but with all the help that I've been getting it has been so much easier getting into the thick of things. It has been a great comfort to me to have so many people mindful of what I've been up to and so supportive.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. Especially Graydon. When I have come home stressed from work he is always reassuring and always on my side. I am so grateful for everything he does to help me when I feel like I've had enough. I know my new job doesn't seem like a big deal to many people, but it is always so nice to know that my family is proud of what I'm doing. I am so excited about my new career and can't wait to see where it takes me.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Asian Pork Tenderloin with Spinach and Bean Sprouts

Here is a recipe that I came up with after mixing and matching a couple different recipes.

WARNING: make sure you close all the doors in your house and open all the windows. We don't have a fan above our stove so the soy sauce smell lingers! It's delicious though.

Ingredients

1/2-1 lb. pork tenderloin, trimmed (we don't eat a lot of meat so I usually only cook with 1/2 lb. of pork and freeze the other half for another day)
1/4 c. soy sauce
2 Tbsp. Sambal sauce (Thai chili sauce with seeds)
1 Tbsp. white or rice vinegar
1 tsp. orange zest
1 tsp. of minced garlic
2 Tbsp. of minced fresh ginger or 2 Tbsp. of lemongrass in a tube (sounds weird but is super convenient)
1/4 lb. of spinach (stems removed)
1 cup of bean sprouts
half package of rice noodles

To make marinade:
Mix soy sauce, Sambal sauce, vinegar, orange zest, garlic, and ginger in a bowl.

Place pork tenderloin in the marinade for 5-10 minutes. Set aside. Meanwhile heat 2 Tbsp. of oil in a pan. Add marinaded pork tenderloin and sear for 5 minutes on each side or until fully cooked through. Remove from pan and set aside. Drain oil and add marinade sauce to pan. Heat marinade until it boils for 1 minute (be sure it boils or else you will not cook out the pork juices). Remove marinade and set aside. Add spinach and bean sprouts to the pan. Add about 1 Tbsp of soy sauce for extra seasoning. Stir-fry spinach and bean sprouts until spinach wilts.

Meanwhile follow package directions for rice noodles. This usually takes about 5-10 minutes to cook.

When all cooking is completed, layer your dish starting with rice noodles on the bottom, spinach and bean sprouts next, and then pork tenderloin on top. Feel free to add more bean sprouts and spinach for another layer of tasty goodness.

One of these days I will put up a picture of my food. For now, enjoy!

Here you are my dearest sister(s)

Per request from my dear sister Michelle, I am writing a blog tonight. I'm feeling a little strange about it since I have gradually fallen away from social networking and blogging, but I'm excited that I have the time to do it.

What is hidden in the inner most caverns of my thoughts?

I can say that when I read my past blogs I sometimes feel a little sad. What was I thinking exactly? Was I taking my melancholy music too seriously or simply using it as a balm for some sort of quiet desperation? I don't know how I fit some of those thoughts together and where they came from. I am very glad that I am no longer in that state of mind. However, my new state of mind seems to have come with a price. I often complain to Graydon about not caring about the things I used to enjoy. "Like what?" "You know. Shows. Music." He usually gives me that incredulous look (note: he hates that word, too) and thinks that missing out on shows is the least of my worries.

But WHHY? Why can't I feel the same way when I listen to that music that I used to have so much passion for? I don't think I'm sad. I don't think that the music is horrible. Then WHAAAT? What is wrong with me?

Graydon and I have discussed this more than once. Like many people who have a passion for music, I tend to attach songs/albums to very specific moments in my life. When I listen to a song, I can name the year, season, and probably the outfit I was wearing. I also can revive different scents, emotions and facial expressions from listening to certain songs. For example: January 2, 2007. A horrible but memorable night for me. Graydon and I sat in a freezing truck, the smell of his new coat, the smell of my shampoo I used at the time and the way his face hit the light before we had to part ways for 2 years are vivid memories that come back to me when I hear those songs from that night. When I attach these memories to music, it makes it difficult for me to replay these songs or music that would remind me of those times. I have a hard time listening to my favorite songs of senior year in high school because I know that many of those friendships don't exist anymore. I have a difficult time listening to an album because it reminds me of a time when I was missing my sisters so much.

I still love music. I'm not sure why I'm so dramatic about it now: I think it's because things and people have so suddenly been removed from my life that it seems hard to continue on as if things are the same. Many friendships are now passed. Family members are distant. My once familiar and comfortable job is no longer mine.

I'm definitely looking forward to what kind of things I can do with my life. I already feel so empowered to make use of all these changes. It is refreshing to feel like I can truly be successful being Myself. I don't have to worry about what kind of music I listen to. I am truly looking forward to whatever comes my way.

I think that eventually i will be able to listen to those old songs without being so sad. For now I think I will just listen to whatever's on Dance Central. Whoop!