Very late at night, and in the morning light

I am still awake. I can't stop thinking about those doll dresses. I can't stop thinking about the American Girl dolls. I loved dressing them up, loved brushing their hair. The reason why I am thinking about it? I have not the faintest idea.

I ordered a vintage 1960s dress pattern the other day. I have never made a dress before. I have made skirts and even a very poorly made blouse but never a dress with a pattern. I am planning on copying the pattern so i don't destroy it. Sizes in the 60s were a little different. I need to learn how to resize patterns, too. I can't decide what fabric to buy. Of course I should probably be working on my research paper. The last thing on my mind.

I will let you know how the dress making goes. As of now, all I have is the pretty pattern, the package is a stylish sketch of women donning the dress. If I can practice making dresses enough, maybe I will get good at it. I have been looking for a new hobby.

I think that when I am finished using the pattern, I will frame the package. The drawing is adorable, and it would be a fun sketch to have hung up somewhere. Maybe I will frame every dress pattern I complete.

Sigh. Well it has been a long day. I think that now I have transferred my thoughts to this blog, I should be able to sleep.

honey in the sun

I am currently sprawled up against Graydon. His arm is always warmer than mine, and my feet are always colder than his. We have so much fun together.

Today has been an extremely busy day for me. Graydon was kind enough to let us take a break from cooking. We don't eat out often, but we decided to get some Chinese food. We went to a tiny place in West Jordan called Enjoy. It was nice to be served for once. We got tons of food for a little bit of money and mostly we enjoyed each others' company while chatting about upcoming events in our life.

I didn't mean to...

but earlier today I was getting ready. I had just finished blow drying my hair, and my hands were still damp. I was fumbling around the medicine cabinet, looking for my cabbage rose perfume (Graydon calls it my cabbage perfume). When I found it behind the L'Occitane bottle of cherry blossom spray, I foolishly slid it to the side and watched it as it crashed, almost as if in slow motion, to a jagged mass of glass in the bathroom sink. I watched as the cherry blossom concoction swirled for a bit, and quickly dissipated. Luckily, Graydon had plugged the drain for me, in an effort to protect my wedding ring from falling into the pipes. I watched as the rose colored liquid calmed itself, all the while watching as tiny spikes of glass pierced the surface, creating dangerous icebergs for any incoming intruder.

Graydon heard the crash. I saw his sad face. But he returned quickly, plastic bottle in hand, along with two measuring spoon sets. "Here." We began our expedition.

I used the heart-shaped measuring spoons. I mostly used the teaspoon. In a matter of minutes, Graydon and I had successfully scraped out all the perfume remaining in the sink, into a slightly crushed but unbreakable container.

My hands still smell like the perfume, and I was devastated initially, but now, I am elated at the idea of standing in front of a sink with Graydon with measuring spoons in hand, saving the remnants of his Christmas present.

It is always strange how these tiny moments seem to put me in a writing mood.

Love Love Love Love

We're married!



I am the happiest girl alive. It's been a week since Graydon & I were married in the Salt Lake Temple for time and all eternity. It is so refreshing to wake up with Graydon every morning. He always manages to make me laugh at the beginning of each day. I have already learned to treasure these small moments, and especially the moments when he quietly urges me out of sleep so we can say morning prayer.

Graydon & I started off with a small honeymoon in Park City. We stayed in a beautiful lodge. The weather was perfect for us. We love rain/clouds/chilly weather. We were only there for a couple nights, but it felt as if we were in our own world, everything and anything was solely about the two of us. There was nothing that could possibly upset us. Not even dumb drivers.

Our reception was beautiful, and I am so grateful for Lynn for letting us use his home. Graydon's mom Lauretta helped us so much, and my mom did an amazing job arranging flowers and making my bouquet and the corsages and boutonnieres. It was so fun to see our friends and family and Graydon and I had a pleasant/shocking surprise when we got to our car before leaving.



I don't know what it is about being married that makes me feel so different, but I am happy when I can make Graydon happy. It is so fun to hear the lock twisting, then seeing Gray's face emerging. It gives me the momentum to run up to him and hug his neck until he can no longer breathe. I have so much fun with him.



Graydon is always assuring me that things are just fine. He is so good at calming my nerves. We are embarking on an adventure to Belize in just a few days. I am so excited to know that I get to hold his hand while staring out of an airplane. I am looking forward to screaming when I see a large bug in the jungle and having Graydon laugh at me (or shriek with me...)

This is going to be the best summer ever!

the countdown is here!

i am really excited! i am merely 9 days away from being sealed to the love of my existence. this Saturday, i am receiving my endowments at the Draper temple. i am looking forward to so many things right now!

i had my bridal shower last Saturday with my friends and family and it was a great turnout. mindy and michelle and brad spent time making sure that everything was perfect, and i appreciate all the great things they did to make everyone enjoy the shower! also, my family gave me some awesome presents. my friends gave me some unmentionables, but nonetheless thank you to everyone who could make it! it truly made me feel so thankful to have great friends and family who support me and Graydon.



it was also fun to hang out with alison, dani and ashley on tuesday night. dani picked me up and we drove down to provo to hang out and have a mini girls' night. i really appreciated having great conversation and dinner. lots of things change, but it was so great to still feel the sincerity of friendship (aw)

i am kind of in a panic with small things. health insurance is a pain. finding wedding favors is kind of obnoxious. i feel like wedding planning doesn't fit my personality very well. i am very indifferent and indecisive. it took me forever to decide on wedding colors. now that i have them, i am still not sure that everything will neatly fit into the category of pink and green. nevertheless, i am very much looking forward to the luncheon and reception that our parents have prepared for us.



truly, i am so excited to just marry Graydon. yesterday, we began moving things around in our new little bedroom. it took a lot of cleaning and rearranging but it was fun to just lie on the bed and laugh about our day. i imagine we'll have many nights of talking and laughing, and i am so grateful that he is my best friend.

i also received some online proofs of my bridal pictures! i really wish that Graydon could've been in my pictures, but work is always getting in the way of our fun. Heather George did a great job with the pictures! i love how natural and candid her photos are. she does very classy and flattering pictures and i would highly recommend her to anyone else looking for a wedding photographer.



other than that, things are pretty simple. i love this weather and i am so excited for our honeymoon in park city And belize! now...if only i had my passport...

commentating on love, brushing my toes against a fluffy dog

saturday was one of two bridal showers. lauretta and scott put together some amazing food as well as an amazing party! i never felt so spoiled. i was really glad to see everyone there. my mom was able to leave work and come up to bountiful, along with michelle and mindee. maddi, kayley and erica were there too, and it was fun to see all of graydon's family there. everybody helped me feel welcome and comfortable, even though i didn't know everyone. it was overwhelming to see how thoughtful people could be. i sometimes blush at the idea of being overwhelmed with kindness, but i think it's just an emotion that incites someone to be a better person. i was really grateful for all the much needed kitchen appliances/dishes/utensils/towels/etc. as well as gift cards and even just simple words of advice. even those who just participated in gathering the wrapping paper, or writing down the names of guests and their gifts.

on saturday, i learned a lot from women, some who have been married over 50 years. i learned that love is never capable of fitting one definition. i think i find new ways to define love.

after i opened one of the last gifts, sipping a pineapple sorbet drink and perspiring from layers of ribbon around my neck, i looked up to see my graydon standing in the doorway, finally upstairs because the shock of a house full of women had worn off. he just smiled at me. that is love.

today i asked graydon to open a garbage sack as i dumped some scraps of food from dinner. he refused to do his homework until he had helped me with the dishes. that is also love.

graydon was staring at me during sacrament meeting and held the hymn book as we sang songs about Christ's resurrection. love again.

he offered to print 200 pages worth of invitations. love love love.

this has been a fabulous weekend. i have been thinking that each day requires a new task that is different from every other day...

one task i came up with is this:
a single hand hold, or a scratch of the neck, or even a kiss on the cheek, makes everything so much better, even when it is in the middle of a disagreement. people can still show their love for each other no matter the circumstances.

for the next thousand years.

Graydon and I have been spending the last few days getting a lot closer and in tune with each other's needs. I find myself caring about him more and more each day. I am so blessed to have such an amazing best friend.

Lately I've been trying to keep up in school. I still feel a lot of pressure regarding my career choices after I graduate from the U. I am really comforted to know that I will always have a job though. My parents have been helping me out so much through the means of the restaurant. I am grateful for their support and the blessings we have received. The restaurant has opened many doors for us as a family; I probably wouldn't have said this a couple years ago when we first cleaned out the kitchen, scraped gum from under the tables, and painted the peach walls brown and red.

I am also really happy and comforted as of now. I don't feel completely mature and grown up, but I feel like I have been able to overcome petty weaknesses. I don't really buy a lot of 'stuff' anymore. I haven't bought new clothes in awhile, and Graydon and I are usually cooking our meals rather than eating out. I find myself being more disorganized, but I have been able to manage my stress by taking things a step at a time.

I don't talk to much of my friends anymore, but I do hope that you are all well. I really am happy for many friends who are embarking on amazing adventures i.e. missions. I really look up to people who are motivated and immovable in their goals. I cherish that so much in others!!

This summer is going to be very different. But I am looking forward to all the adventures coming my way, especially with Gray. Three years ago, I had little idea that I was going to be marrying the quiet, mysterious boy from Pratt's English class...but then again, I look back and know that it does make perfect sense. Every experience we share brings us a step closer to one another, and I have never felt so in love and happy. 'Happy' does not quite encompass my feelings for him.

Ah. 54 more days!!

(this is one of our engagement picture proofs by heather george photography)

well, it's been a great while!

ahoy! you are now embarking upon a great ship full of tantalizing escapades and death-defying rapids!

well, not so much. but i feel as if this could describe just what i am about to do- jump into an amazing adventure. it's almost as if i am repelling down a 200 ft. deep black hole in the middle of central america...

graydon and i are engaged! it is a spectacular thing to be with him, and i know that this is the right thing to do. he is my best friend and i am anticipating all of the adventures that await us. i look forward to marrying in the temple and making an everlasting covenant with a worthy person.

he is currently laying his head down in my lap. i am really grateful for how our wedding plans have gone so far. i think i am more excited about attending the temple. i really want to attend the temple and become endowed. it is one of my greatest goals and i have come so far to finally obtain it!

it is a funny thing. i thought that things would change dramatically after having a ring on my finger (which i don't have at the moment...they have failed to resize my ring properly) but things are actually the same with slight differences. i know that graydon and i will start a family someday. and i feel that it is such a huge responsibility. we are not perfect, but we are trying our best to prepare ourselves for this new, exciting change.

although things didn't change drastically, i do feel a lot closer with graydon. we understand each other on a different level and i think it is important that we constantly keep common goals. we study together, cook together, enjoy movies, family time, and church together. i love him.

so i guess this wasn't such a huge journey after all. but i cannot begin to express my joy of finally being with my best friend.

fortune cookies sound tasty right now.

i'm curled up under piles of blankets and pillows, i feel a strange longing to stay up late tonight. there isn't anything particularly important for me to accomplish as of right now, but i am unable to sleep. therefore i will write.

i have had many a surprise today. i didn't realize that i could hang out at wal-mart for an hour and be entertained and amused for the most part. i was also glad that my nausea passed. even after arby's. meatloaf. airheads. and chicken nuggets. maybe it's because i had my someone to take care of me.

i have to be honest, i don't know what i'm really doing right now. i am going to school but i am wondering when i will reach that point when i can tell people exactly.what.i'm.doing. i still don't know. but i told graydon tonight about some thoughts that have been stewing up in my mind for a little while. which is why i read over the GRE practice tests and got a little queasy again...argh

also, this summer is going to be fantastic. i cannot wait to spend my lazy summer evenings in a park somewhere in salt lake city, and i am anticipating an amazing vacation with my love. i also can't help but attempt to wrap my mind around the idea of being married. also. am i really turning 21? my new license does look significantly more haggard...heh.

i must also announce that i haven't had cravings for shopping these days. i have to be honest, i am completely out of the whole swing of things. i am afraid that i don't know what is cool/cute/fashionable anymore. have i really become an old woman? i just don't have the energy to figure out what is stylish. i am trying to tone down whatever sort of style i had going on before and just dressing up so i don't freeze while walking on campus.

i really like not having money. i am super excited to spend my early years with graydon scraping for loose change (i love change, if you hate your pennies, i will gladly remove them from you...)and not having to worry about anything but basic needs. i am longing for moments with graydon when all we really have is a dumpy couch and a book to read.

wow. maybe i should go to sleep now. this has all summed up my greatest longings for this day.

hello hello

i am currently sitting in one of the best places in the world...next to graydon.

i have been excited about spring semester. i don't think i mind the cold as much because i know i will have a hand to hold when the wind gets sharper and when the snow forms piles of little men on people's yards.

graydon and i meet occasionally on campus, and i have to say that college is much better when you can walk into a huge library, likely full of thousands of books you'll never read and people you'll never meet eyes with, and be able to walk directly to that spot where you know someone will be.

school has been interesting so far. i am taking four classes this semester. i am inching closer to graduation but i can't help but think that i will miss learning in a formal setting. arabic is intense and my english classes are rigorous. i also can't deny how intrigued, yet still skeptic, i have become of ancient egypt.

mindy went to the inauguration. sort of. her and george are cool kids for sure, livin' the life in Annapolis on the weekends. michelle and brad are still a lovely married couple and jerry & mindee are expecting a baby boy: Tayden!

i have come to realize that i really appreciate when people listen to to my current love story. especially my mom...she does an amazing job at helping me fulfill my goals and dreams. my sisters also support my every move involving my future plans with graydon.

i don't know what it is about these past few weeks that has confirmed many feelings of mine.

maybe it's when graydon gets excited about solving a chemistry problem.
or when he wears dark jeans.
or when he wraps his hand around mine.
or when he smiles at me, walks me to my car, and scrapes my car windows....

not to mention when i never tire of being with him.

i would say things are marvelous. i would say that it's going to take me a little while longer to finally realize that this isn't all a dream...